10 Things you may be saying or thinking when Talk Therapy is NOT for you (anymore).

Disclaimer: Let's get one thing super clear--By no means does this article take away from the validity of support that Therapists offer their clients. The intention of this writing is to create a possible alternative view that leads to more self compassion, self leadership, and self love. Continue reading with an open mind, and heart, to allow your own inner guidance lead your very next step.

Talk Therapy wasn't helping me change my default mode.

I was screaming at my daughter at the top of my lungs and crying myself to sleep an hour after. 

I was living my worst nightmare and I couldn’t just sit on the sideline, watching as a bystander, as I suffocated myself with doubts and worries.

What was my immediate action? I turned to what felt “easy” to jump into and hiring a Therapist was approachable. 

(I had very little experience with Professional Therapy before and was adamant about it because I didn’t want more awareness of my problems–I wanted actual solutions.)  

For myself, and so many others, Therapy is often regarded as a pathway of hope, a safe place where you can share parts of yourself that you don’t reveal to the rest of the world. 

Most people will enter Therapy with the purest and best of intentions to get through the hardships, challenges and confusion, so they can heal, learn and grow from it all and NOT get sucked in deeper. 

(I would even start to question the shadow of this statement.)

Most say “It's a journey of self-discovery, confronting demons, and embracing vulnerability.” 

However, there comes a point where therapy might not serve its purpose anymore. 

Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we find ourselves stuck in patterns that keep us from moving through, progressing, and feeling like we “got our sh%t together”. 

Particularly for women, there can be subtle signs that therapy is becoming a crutch rather than a catalyst for change.

Just like I saw when I hired my first two therapists and fired them within two weeks of talking. 

Talking about problems was not a solution for how smart and savy my mind works. (This may be part of your troubles- your mind is so fricken smart that it knows a way around instead of through- Go on to read #5) 

Explore the following ten phrases I’ve heard by women in traditional therapy settings, and what I pick up on in my sessions, that may indicate it's time to move on. 

These phrases often mask a deeper truth – that therapy has become a shield, protecting the heart from further pain rather than a tool for genuine growth.

1. "I've talked about this before, but I just can't seem to move past it."

Repeatedly circling back to the same issue without progress can be a sign that therapy has reached its limit. While revisiting a pattern or past traumatic infliction from a new lens is essential for healing, if it becomes a stagnant cycle, it might be time to explore alternative approaches.

2. "I'm fine, really."

Insisting on being "fine" when clearly struggling is a classic defense mechanism. Therapy should provide a space where it's okay not to be okay, and denying one's emotions can hinder genuine progress. You want a professional that will know when it’s not the right time to move with something, and when the trigger needs to be pulled. This is why a professional's trusted intuition is a key metric in their services. 

3. "I don't want to burden anyone with my problems."

This one isn’t often said outwardly with words but it comes with the undertone of a woman’s personal beliefs, deeply thinking that she already is “the problem”. While it's essential to recognize boundaries, constantly downplaying the severity of one's struggles can indicate an unwillingness to truly engage in therapy. It’s a way the mind tends to operate in order to avoid the bigness or severity of what is NOT being felt, witnessed or engaged with. 

4. "I'm just not good at opening up."

I don’t let this one slide in my space. We go straight to the source and my intuition will tell me where it could be coming from. You may have endured life with the feeling that it’s safer to keep your sh*t inside you, but this is not serving or supporting your growth and it’s holding you back in your most important relationships. *If this something that has persisted over months or years of therapy, I’ll be able to share where the resistance is and guide your body to safely open and release. 

5. "I've learned to cope on my own."

Celebrate all the way! When I realized how much my process had established safety in my body and stress or anxiety didn’t have the same effect on my body, I Knew I had returned to a place of genuine “I’ve got this!” or even moreso, “I’ve got you” self support through self leadership. BUT when you’re relying solely on those mental coping mechanisms for stress management OR anger management (I’m cringing as I type this) without actually addressing underlying issues, you’re in the mind control game and let me tell you: no one wins.  

True healing often requires confronting discomfort rather than simply managing it.

6. "I don't want to dwell on the past."

Avoiding discussions about the past can be a way of protecting oneself from painful memories. However, true healing often requires confronting and processing past traumas rather than sweeping them under the rug.

7. "I don't want to disappoint my therapist."

Seeking approval from a therapist rather than being honest about one's struggles can hinder progress. Therapy is most effective when there is open communication and a genuine willingness to confront difficult emotions.

8. "I'm just not ready to let go yet."

Clutching onto pain or negative patterns can provide a sense of familiarity and security, even if they are ultimately detrimental. Letting go can be terrifying, but it's often the first step towards true healing and growth.

9. "I don't want to rock the boat."

Avoiding conflict or difficult conversations in therapy can indicate a fear of confronting uncomfortable truths, and I GET THAT! When I started facing the truth of how much I abused my own self, over and over inflicting the verbal and emotional abuse I once felt as a kid, I almost couldn’t handle the feeling that electrified my heart. But I made it through, and came out feeling stronger and more mentally free than ever before! 

Therapy should challenge us to step outside our familiar (comfort) zones and confront difficult emotions head-on, and the truth is the mind will do a lot to bend things so you don’t. Somatic therapies, and an experienced professional, help to make the processing and moving through really easy. 

10. "I'm not sure therapy is helping anymore."

Traditional Talk Therapy is a valuable tool, but it's not the only path towards healing. You get to lead yourself, and decide what is best for you. If you want more, you have access to it.  Nothing is out of reach of POSSIBLE for you. If you have found yourself questioning the efficacy of therapy or feeling stagnant in your progress, it may be time to explore other avenues for growth. 

I take the motto  “be honest with yourself” seriously, and in all honesty, it’s still hard to always choose the honest path! That’s the truth of being a human & not learning these effective processing skills until I turned 30 years old.

Things that can be the best for us, can still come with resistance, or what I often call pushback.

I lived on the edge of not being honest with myself, not letting my feelings be seen or heard, and thinking I was worthless (fuhhhhck the amount of years I was lying to myself is such a brutally heavy weight to be lifted, so I give myself grace every day when the voice creeps back in). 

Look, confronting our resistance to change is really tough to do on our own, but once we break through a new layer, we show ourselves we can do it again (and again!). 

Therapy is a powerful tool for self-discovery and healing, but it's not a one-size-fits-all solution. 

I speak for women because I know this experience the best, and when you recognize therapy is no longer serving its purpose, that’s a sign you’re ready to LEAP into a new world–

Remember, therapy is just one step on the path to healing – sometimes, it's okay to graduate and embrace the NEWNESS that comes from one simple (but really big) decision to change things up.

Share in the comments your experience with the switch, or if you’re on the edge of making the switch.

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xoxo

Your Resilience Coach 

Juliana